Weight-Loss

Weight-loss is a tricky sticky subject. Everyone wants to lose weight until you don’t. And at that point, you really don’t. Heaven forbid that you’re still losing weight though because then all the walls tumble down and open up allowing anyone and everyone to judge you for something.

“You’re actually upset that you’re losing weight?! I’d be grateful!”

“Who complains about losing weight? You’re not even that skinny!”

“You can afford to lose the weight…”

You’re too skinny! Put some weight on!”

“Just eat more!”

“Do you have an eating disorder??”

There is no end to the judgement that pours in when any topic about weight-loss comes up. This is a HUGE reason behind why I’ve let my latest symptom just sort of blow over. In the past few months I’ve lost around 10% of my weight. I was hesitant to say anything because 1) I still weight a normal amount (121lbs), 2) I didn’t want to be accused of an eating disorder (seriously, I’ve been obsessed with eating MORE calories just to counteract any future accusations), and 3) I really really don’t want to hear that I should be grateful or that others are jealous or that I should eat more (Really!? Because I am too STUPID to think “Hey, I’m losing weight…maybe I should eat more! Brilliant!”). 

So completely stupid “eat more” comments aside… it’s horrible that someone can feel scared and vulnerable enough to admit that they are unintentionally losing weight (fully knowing that this is a very weight-loss geared society) and they are told to be grateful. Grateful for what?? Imagine all the possible reasons for losing weight without trying when normally it is so difficult to do. They aren’t pretty thoughts: malabsorption, GI obstruction, organ failure, cancer…etc. The idea that the weight-loss could be due to any one of those reasons is TERRIFYING. And then with any new horrifying thing the question always comes up.. “what will happen to me?” Worst case scenarios run rampant through the mind and they’re hard to tame.

So I’m scared. I have seen others with my disorder go through this sort of thing. I’ve seen how they eventually move to a fully fluid diet. And when that fails I’ve seen them get feeding tubes through the nose or directly into the stomach. And when that fails I’ve seen them go to total parental nutrition. All of this is an extremely rare complication of Ehlers Danlos but it happens. It also happens in mitochondrial disorders or metabolic disorders. Or maybe I won the lottery and have a whole new different possibility to deal with. Or it may be nothing. But a 10% weight-loss is a LOT when I’ve done absolutely nothing to provoke/earn it and haven’t weighed this little for years.. 

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