This fact is how I found myself going to three doctor appointments in the last 2 or 3 weeks while studying/taking the GRE, doing lab research for my major, and working. One or two of those things would prove challenging for anyone. But combine all of them? Yup, I was a nervous, anxious, exhausted mess. It was miserable. I cried. Don’t judge.
So let’s go over the doctor appointments. I had two with specialists (Gastroenterologist and Cardiologist) and one with my family doctor. Unfortunately all of the above have no idea what to do with me. I shouldn’t really be surprised. This is what happens when you have a rare disease or two (See my genetics appointment post if you don’t remember). Doctors tell you that they haven’t heard of your disease since Med. School. I would be ok with this if they were just honest about not knowing what to do. If they did research to actually be able to help me, or, if they aren’t going to do the proper work, they referred me to a doctor who could potentially help me. I’m tired of living in limbo with a horrible quality of life. Every day should not be this much of a struggle. After my cardiologist appointment I went into a stairwell to cry. Her solution, RIGHT AFTER reading my genetics report and admitting to not knowing the potential diagnoses, was to raise my medication dosage. My GI appointment resulted in a futile ultrasound to check my perfectly normal gallbladder. I had a feeling it would be normal, but I was so thrilled that she was finally looking into other reasons for my pain and weight-loss that I was willing to try it her way. It was a stupid mistake. Tests are exhausting, both physically and mentally. I shouldn’t put myself through that unless I have faith in my doctor and their conclusions/thoughts. As for my Family doctor? Yeah, he spent the first part telling me how complex my case is, how rare my issues are, then spent the second half telling me that my weight-loss could be due to stress and a therapist might help. Sorry. Not good enough. My conditions are known to be associated with complications resulting in weight-loss. Serious complications that I am worried about. And if he had done any research, at all, he would have known this himself. So yeah, I struck out on all three appointments. At this rate, I’m just waiting for my next genetics appointment and am going to go from there. It’s in December so that’s not too long from now. After that, I need to seriously reconsider my current doctors.
Onto the GRE. Have I ever mentioned that I suck at standardized tests? I do. Really really suck. The test was horrible. I cried after that too. Mind you, I’m going to blame poor scores on the fact that the power went out right before my test. So I had to wait an hour before I could even begin it. Sigh. At least it’s over and my scores are good enough that I can still apply to PhD programs. So that’s happy.
Overall, my life has been busy and stressful and hectic. It’s very hard dealing with both my illness and my day-to-day life. I am still trying to find a balance between being sick and being a normal person. I have to make allowances for my health or else I could lose everything. I just hate feeling that making allowances means that I am weak and less than anyone else. I hate having to admit that I am tired or pained or just not feeling well. Unfortunately I can’t separate my life from my health. I have to combine them and I have to make them play nice.