I’m Sorry

I have been overwhelmed.

Slowly things are starting to catch up with me. Some of it is physical. My illness is what it is, but sometimes that is overwhelming as well. What is dragging me down, even more though, is emotional.

This is something that rarely gets discussed because of the stigma associated with it. But depression, grief, anxiety…etc. are all very real problems with any chronic illness. Life, all of a sudden, takes on a quality that seems unbearable.

Pain. Fatigue. Failure…. The inability to keep up with peers who are not sick. The invisibility of the disease which acts as a nasty hidden secret, dragging you back, while making others wonder whether you are lazy. It’s depressing. It’s so very defeating.

I hate that I have to struggle and push myself to the breaking point for things that should be easy.

I really just want to sleep.

I really just want a break.

I really just want to give up….

I will admit that there are times I have prayed that God will end my hardships and take me home.

But I continue to fight and battle each day and do my best. I just wish I felt like it was enough.

I am sorry for being negligent with this blog. I am overwhelmed. I know I’m not alone with this feeling though.

 

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